maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
