Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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