You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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