dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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