the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
