I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize