Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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