My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
