the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
