I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize