And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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