What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
