i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
