Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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