there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
