He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
