I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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