today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
