After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
