mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This baby is an asshole
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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