Don't you send me to vm
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
