the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he shaved USA in his pubs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
