cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
