THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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