Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
