Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize