just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This can only be settled by a dance off.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
