Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
