But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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