spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
