The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
