I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
