you guys were way drunker than both of me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You are a genius and a whore.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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