She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have feelings that need drinking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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