Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
