You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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