I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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