Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
