I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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