she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
