We won't sleep together?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
