I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
