People with herpes should wear stickers.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
