He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
