I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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