Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
