How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
