I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
