You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
