She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
