I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
