My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
