So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
