If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
