Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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