I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
