If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
