pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
FUCK WHALES
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