And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
