Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
3 2 1 whiskey
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
