Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
