college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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