yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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