I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize