it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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