i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
