Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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