Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
