You're my little dorito
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
