Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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