Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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